He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
