I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
