im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
