dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You are a genius and a whore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
