I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
