I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
