just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it because I queefed?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
