Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
