A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
