whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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