Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
