Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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