If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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