ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
