Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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