I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
