Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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