you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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