I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
