good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
