I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
