she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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