i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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