I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
