Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
