my mouth tastes like poor choices
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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