She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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