I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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