Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
