Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
