Define "chronic" masturbator.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
