I hate your face
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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