I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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