ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
