I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
