every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
