Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
