If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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