My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
