My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
