So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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