South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
