u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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