the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
