How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
