Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
