Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
