You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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