Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
