You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
