HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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