theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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