I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
